hi 2020, i 💖 u.

TWENTY 👏 NINE 👏 TEEN 👏 WAS 👏 ROUGH 👏 FOR👏 ME!

This last year was crummier than other years I have lived. I moved to Portland about a year ago. I moved to Portland because I accepted a job offer out here. I received a job offer 3 days after my ex-fiancé decided he didn't want to get married anymore. I had been desperately trying to find a decent job in Portland for months in order to live closer and eventually live with this guy. So yeah...ouch.

Kind of a bummer but whatever, it happens...(sometimes?)

Despite the unmet expectations, I was eager to start a new chapter of my life and fully embrace the exciting new opportunity to grow. With not much money and not many connections, I did everything I could to make the most of the situation. I made new friends, worked hard at my job and just plain old tried my best. Portland was a chance to start fresh and prove to myself that I was not going to be ruled or defeated by an external locus of control.

But as we all know, you can still try your hardest and lame stuff will STILL happen. This is a fact of life that must be acknowledged...and one I am still working on accepting.

I was pretty miserable for the majority of this year. The end of August, a mere 3 months ago, might have been the ultimate low point.

It turned out that as hard as I had tried to not let it get to me, I really REALLY hated my job. I took my sweet time and graduated college much later than my friends and peers. I was struggling so much in my first "big-kid" job and I stressed that I wouldn't be cut out for much professionally in the long-term. I couldn't help but feel like because of my past choices in schooling and lack of direction at times, I had set my course and was going to face a life of "the bare minimum". I felt very far behind my friends and acquaintances who had already been in the workforce for years and seemed to be doing such bigger things already (it's so fun being such a basic millennial). I feared that there might not ever be a work environment where I could thrive and exceed my own expectations. How was I ever going to ACTUALLY get there?

My personal life was also a struggle as I faced a lot of disappointment and trials back to back to back to back. Healing was sometimes easy and then sometimes it was (still is) much harder than I had anticipated. And as much as I attempted to avoid it, I still managed to make stupid choices (stupid choices I might justify to the ends of the earth idk whatever I'm over it). Ultimately, those choices didn't make me feel so great.

I was pretty beat up. The ridiculousness just didn't seem to stop and I couldn't wrap my head around how things actually somehow managed to get worse with every turn. I felt all the feelings. Anger, resentment, insecurity, confusion, numbness, apathy, bitterness, jealousy. Life felt like a vicious cycle of the 7 stages of grief over and over and over again, day in and day out.

In those times of trouble, I couldn't help but feel a close kinship to Her Royal Majesty, Mia Thermopolis, another young girl who at one point also couldn't seem to catch a break. In case her and I hadn't already been through enough, just as she once so passionately stated...

My sentiments exactly, Mia.

However, if there is anything that life experiences and Mia's dad taught me, it is...

"Courage is not the absence of fear, but rather the judgment that something is more important than fear. The brave may not live forever, but the cautious do not live at all."

Defeat was simply not an option. I refused to accept the cards that I had been dealt. I was not going to live a cautious life. Ultimately, it took me hitting this low in order to say enough was enough. The situation HAD to change.

The great thing about seemingly losing in every possible way was the knowledge that I had nothing left to lose.

So with that knowledge, I knew I had everything to gain.

I knew that more than anything, I needed to get out of my job. This was the biggest source of stress in my life. I knew that there was a better place for me out there, an environment that would be more conducive in helping me nurture the other aspects of my life and give me a chance at a better career. I had done the whole defeated attitude thing before and I felt like if there was ever a time for me to actually go for it and shoot my shot, this was it. I needed to prove the past wrong.

As much of a devastating picture I've painted 2019 to be, it some how managed to have some posi-vibes to spare. There actually was a game changer earlier in the year. Like, a REALLY big game changer.

As much as I entirely loathed my job, I may never have had the end of a rainbow fall into my lap the way that it did had I not been where I was when I was.

I happen to be the biggest Marco Polo ambassador of them all. It is by far my most used app and it is a consistent topic of conversation in my day-to-day life. So you must believe that I was at my absolute most "shooketh" when I found a message from the Head of Research at Marco Polo in my inbox back in February.

They just happened to be based in Portland, despite their entire team working remotely all over the country and would my boss be interested in sitting down sometime to talk about the research our team was doing on loneliness and its' correlation with technology????

I KNOW RIGHT?!?

This is when I was first introduced to Laure. As Laure sat down with my boss and explained what they do at Marco Polo, the heavens opened and a choir of angels emerged singing hallelujahs. It was in that moment I realized Laure was working my dream job as a UX researcher. It was then that I first learned that there was a job title for what I wanted to do.

After the meeting and an alarming bombardment of questions, I passionately declared to Laure my greatest desire to be involved with Marco Polo in any way possible. I'm still not sure but it's quite possible that during that conversation, I sold them my soul, if it meant being able to contribute and get some exposure to UX research methods. And then the floodgates were opened.

I asked Laure what I needed to do in order to transition into UX and they told me the formula, plain and simple:

"Get a Customer Support job at a tech start-up."

So that's what I did. I started applying to customer support jobs like crazy. I was ordering books, reading blog posts and listening to podcasts, all about UX. I poured blood, sweat, and tears into this website. I truly felt like I was doing everything in my power to access my resources and take advantage of what the universe had been waiting to offer this whole time. I helped Laure out with projects whenever they gave me a chance.

I got real "connect happy" on LinkedIn (I'm glad I brought this up, are you and I connected on LinkedIn? If not, let us connect.) I went from having 320ish connections to an incredible 640+ in the span of 2 weeks. I started networking and messaging anyone and everyone I came across who worked in UX.

Fun fact: People are REALLY nice and willing to take time from their busy schedules to tell you about their experiences and give you super helpful advice. All you have to do is ask.

The more people I talked to, the more sure I was that UX was the right field for me. I knew I was on the right trail and that felt really good. Like really REALLY good.

In a beautiful marriage of both my efforts and what could only be called divine intervention, I am so humbled, grateful and STOKED to say that I recently accepted an offer as a Customer Support Specialist at a tech start-up called NurseGrid, based here in Portland. I went from 0 to 100 within the span of a few months.

December 9th was my first day at NurseGrid and sometimes I cry because I am convinced that this is what true love feels like. Even within the span of this one week, I have felt so valued and supported by an incredible team, a team I know I am going to be learning SO much from. I could not be more grateful for such a special opportunity.

The greatest lesson I took from this year is that what you put out into the universe, the universe can and will give back. Leaning in even just a little can actually get you a whole lot.*

*"wow what insight she has, so much wise, so much profound"

Despite the misery I felt this year, I was so determined to not accept the circumstances that got me to Portland in the first place that I did whatever I could to change them. That determination is what empowered me to work as hard as I did, to put myself in a much more competitive position professionally. However, It must be made very clear that I alone did not get myself to where I am.

Preparation + Opportunity = Success.

This is one of the truest statements I know. As sucky as 2019 was, it was such a huge year of blessings for me in so many ways. It's crazy to think that had I not taken the job at the VA, I probably would not have ever connected with Laure (shout out to Laure, you are the best and thank you for everything!) Marco Polo was the jump-start I needed to change my direction and it gave me the exposure I needed to be in the position that I am in now.

I don't think that God put me in Portland for some grander purpose or that this was all part of the plan. I know I put myself here because I have agency. But I do believe that God saw my efforts and provided me some opportunities to make a better life after being hit with some heavy blows. The decision was up to me whether I took them or not. As hard as the year was, I cannot deny that I have very much been taken care of and I feel very humbled and blessed to be ending the year with the stars aligned the way that they are.

Perhaps I would have found my way to this career path in other places, in other ways, at other times. But for how difficult of a year it was, I am so grateful that it happened now, at this time and in this place because I really needed these wins after so many losses in order to change my narrative in a profound and significant way for myself.

I am so thankful to all the great people I have connected with in this last year. There really is a whole world out there of good people who are doing exciting work and are SO willing to help you get where you want to be! I wouldn't have been able to make it through this last year without the best support system, my family and my friends, both old and new.

Thank you to everyone who looked at my website and gave me feedback, shared their experiences and took the time to answer all of my disjointed questions. It is through the countless connections I made this last year that I was encouraged in ways I have seldom felt before. So thank you, good people of the universe.

In conclusion, call me Ariana Grande because I am officially saying "thank u, next" to this last year and I am so effing grateful it turned out so amazing.

May we all leave behind the Mia Thermopolis that was 2019. Here's to the Princess Amelia Mignonette Grimaldi Thermopolis Renaldo of 2020! I can't wait to see what great things she is going to do next.